I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ok first of all what the fuck
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
