He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
