Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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