This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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