If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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