My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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