I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
