ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did i walk over a car last night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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