we're blogging at a bar
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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