There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
