I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
