Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
