My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
