you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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