Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
