Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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