I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
