it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
