i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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