Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
