I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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