clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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