And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
