oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
zippers are such a cool invention
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
