I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
