Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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