Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
