I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
