my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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