LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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