Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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