wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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