When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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