my phone needs a breathalizer
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
