she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
