I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
