Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
