Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
