The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
