I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
