The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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