she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we're making bets on your personal life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
