Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
