Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
