thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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