I'm going to rape someone's good day.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
