good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
