Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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