Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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