you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
