sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
