Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
