he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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