i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
