Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
