"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
