You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
