You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
